


i'm scared, but i think we'll get there.

by neelrahae



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No Sexual Content, Pining, Romantic Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neelrahae/pseuds/neelrahae
Summary: zen and yoosung have been spending a lot of their time at each other's homes, finding more comfort in each other than with anyone else. this fic explores how zen deals with the new feelings blooming in him for yoosung.
Relationships: Kim Yoosung & Zen | Ryu Hyun, Kim Yoosung/Zen | Ryu Hyun
Comments: 15
Kudos: 87





	i'm scared, but i think we'll get there.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goodcrowmens (ShippingLikeAPackage)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=goodcrowmens+%28ShippingLikeAPackage%29).



> this was supposed to be pure fluff for my yoozen heart, but down the road it went into more exploration of zen's more.. anxious.. side? its very short and basically a good mix of soft and sad. hope you like it.
> 
> here's a playlist i made w/ all the songs i listened to while writing this. made me all soft and in my feelings. 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2O0dXhSQZUy3NfNav6ELwy?si=-_APRK_CQHipLK2x5GFmjQ

Yoosung’s hair was soft.

He looked peaceful, content.

Hyun traced a thumb over the blonde boy’s forehead, silently taking relief in the lack of wrinkles. He then went back to caressing his hair, fingers brushing through the tangled hair carefully. Every few moments, Yoosung let out a sleepy groan and fumbled in his sleep, nuzzling deeper into Hyun’s shirt. 

And the way it made the silver haired man’s heart thump spawned fear in his chest, thoughts once again spiralling. 

Hyun liked this, didn’t he? He really did. He liked having Yoosung sleep on his lap, and liked the feeling of him huddling in closer, looking for warmth and comfort in Hyun’s frame. The shorter boy would crawl into Hyun’s lap anytime he’d come to visit at his dorm, and first did it out of spite, to tease Hyun - but then it became this.

It became genuine sessions of just holding onto each other, of cuddling and wiping away drunk tears whenever a bottle of beer was brought. They’d crash into each other’s homes on workdays, as well - Yoosung once ran out and took a train to Hyun’s neighborhood right after the clock’s hands aligned together at 12pm; skipping his last class to just sit on Hyun’s sofa, legs plopping lazily on top of the taller man’s thighs. And he didn’t go there with any clear reason in his mind - Hyun thought. Yoosung had gone there and just shuffled in his position while rambling about school, or the lack of romance in his life, or his beloved video game. 

And whenever Hyun visited _ his _ place, he’d just lay down on his bed and stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars that adorned Yoosung’s ceiling. He would lecture Yoosung a bit on his skin, his sleep schedule, and then slowly absorb himself in thoughts of his newest role and how he would go about it while Yoosung either played with his hair or made something for him to eat. 

The both of them found solace in each other, and didn’t have a problem with confiding in each other about their daily day’s struggles - but sooner than later it became quite clear that they found more ease in physical assurance than verbal - soft touches brought contentment and helped them fall asleep at night easier, too (sleepovers became a regular between the two). And there wasn’t anything necessarily  _ wrong _ , per se, about this. For Hyun, letting out stress this way rather than opening a can of beer or lighting a cigar whenever he was alone or felt anxious was an improvement. He also liked seeing Yoosung relaxed as well - and knowing he could take care of him by seeing him more regularly brightened his spirits. 

..So then, why was Hyun feeling like this?

Why couldn’t he stop playing with Yoosung’s hair? Why couldn’t he stop himself from tracing a thumb over his face every few minutes? Why did the feeling of Yoosung breathing against the material of his shirt make blood rush to his face?

The scary part was that Hyun felt like he knew the answers to all of these questions. Yet he couldn’t help but push those guesses far away, to the back of his mind. He gulped lightly, a hand subconsciously snaking to the back of Yoosung’s neck, nervously massaging at the area. 

He had a slight presentiment about this, but he couldn’t stop himself. Panic was still running through his nerves, and he pleaded for it to go away. He could think about what all of this meant  _ later _ , when he didn’t have a lapful of Yoosung to take care of. Hyun knew there were times he was too expressive - too loud when he felt disturbed - and he didn’t want to wake up Yoosung, not at this time. He looked up at the clock hanging on the wall opposite to his bed, squinting to make out the time in the dim, golden light still left on. 

Around 4am. Way too late, even for a Saturday night, he thought wearily - before withdrawing his hands to pull his hair up into a poor excuse of a ponytail, multiple silver strands slipping out of his grip as he pulled it all into his hair-band. Then he slowly, very delicately, moved Yoosung off of his lap - shifting him as lightly as he could so he could instead settle his head onto his pillow. A languid whine escaped from Yoosung’s mouth, and Hyun instinctively ran a hand through the smaller boy’s blond hair, shushing him effectively. Then he got out of the bed, standing to switch off all the lights that were left on, only leaving the moonlight shining out of Yoosung’s window to lighten up the room and help him find his way back to the bed.

And then Hyun just.. stood there, looking down at Yoosung, effectively tracing out his features even under the small amount of light passing through the glass. 

A part of him then silently cursed the room for not having opaque curtains, because his heart just raced even  _ faster _ at seeing Yoosung’s expression so plainly, without anyone stopping him from gazing for too long. Strands of blond hair fell onto Yoosung’s forehead, making him look even cozier than he always did. The moonlight hit just the right places - accentuating his softer, paler features - eyelashes drooping and cheekbones glowing under the light. 

_ Pretty. _

Hyun couldn’t help but smile softly, an eyebrow quirking out of fondness - even though his chest felt heavy and breathing had gotten a little tougher. In the middle of his frantic thoughts, happiness was budding there out of just seeing the boy so relaxed. The sight helped untangle a few strings of anxiety in him, and for that he felt grateful.

Hyun didn’t want to admit it - or rather, didn’t want to word it this way - but Yoosung’s happiness meant a lot, if not  _ everything _ to him. At least in that moment, when all of his thoughts went back to  _ him _ .

“...Ah, Yoosung-ah. What am I going to do with you..?” He muttered under his breath, voice laced with an affectionate tone. He so badly wanted to shuffle into the bed and hold Yoosung again, and sleep right next to him.. but a part of his mind nagged at him, telling him that he’d disturb his sleep, that there wouldn’t be enough space..

That Hyun wasn’t brave enough to do something like that, either. That if he did do it, he’d dive in deeper, and deeper, and-

Sucking in a sharp breath, he prodded at his forehead, praying those thoughts away again. Not now. It was too late. Way too late. And with those final thoughts, he made his way to Yoosung’s beanbag, nestling into it as much as he could - even if the size wasn’t large enough for him. He’ll sleep these thoughts away, for now. 

A fatigue unnoticed by his own body before washed over him in the next few minutes, and he was finally,  _ finally  _ able to find sleep somewhere along the coast of his thoughts. 

\--

“Hyung..?”

Yoosung called out. His voice was groggy and faded. Hyun could barely make it out, but the softness of his tone made him hum in his sleep and huddle his face into the beanbag even more.

“Zen hyung.. half of your body is ‘like..”

Ah yeah, this was nice. Hyun smiled sleepily, relishing in the blonde boy’s voice. Why was it so soothing? It felt like a blanket of warmth, and Hyun wanted to wrap himself in it as much as he could, to just sink into the feeling even more..

Then two hands suddenly gripped at his shoulders, shaking him vigorously. Hyun yelped, eyes snapping open to meet brilliant violet eyes in front of him. It was Yoosung with his disheveled hair, face shining under the rays of sunlight hitting him; making him squint his eyes as he stared at Hyun. He was half frowning, half pouting - and it was cute. 

But his face was too close, way too close. Hyun blinked a few times before the proximity really got under his nerves, and suddenly sat upright, wincing at unexpected pain shooting up his neck. 

“Yoosung-ah.. don’t shock me like that again, my god -”, was all he could groan out before hissing and palming at the spot where it hurt, suddenly regretting the fact that he slept on Yoosung’s worn out, hard beanbag. It didn’t feel good, and he had to shuffle to sit more comfortably, again looking up to meet Yoosung’s gaze.

The boy’s expression had softened, and it was clear that he was worried himself. “I’m sorry, hyung, it’s just - why did you sleep on the bag? You should’ve..” he yawned quietly, bringing up a palm to cover his mouth, before continuing. “You should’ve woken me up, I have a mini mattress... or I could’ve given you the bed..!”

Hyun gave a small chuckle before leaning forward to brush at Yoosung’s bangs, pushing them aside to get a clearer look at him. He took note in the way Yoosung’s eyes widened slightly, even though he still leaned into the touch. 

“Yeah, but you fell asleep on me. I couldn’t just wake you up, you'd get all grumpy.”

He got a huff in response. 

“You know I’m right. And listen, I’m fine, I’ll just follow my stretching routine-” dramatically extending his arms into the air, he exhaled loudly, sporting a bright smile on his face. “And I’ll be as good as I ever am! So calm down, and -” he prodded at the dark circles under Yoosung’s eyes (that were disappearing, but still.) “Go drink some water. You look tired. And get some for me too.”

“Okay, okay, you fitness maniac.” Yoosung laughed out, before standing up sluggishly and making his way to the counter, filling up two glasses with water. 

That gave Hyun enough time to drop his smile a bit now that Yoosung’s back was to him, shoulders slumping down. Last night’s thoughts were crawling into parts of his mind again, clashing with the warmer thoughts about how he was able to wake up to Yoosung’s face again, and was able to brush his hair lightly, and was able to…

...Fluster.. him? 

“You coming, hyung?”

“Hm?” The silver haired man again looked up to see Yoosung gulping down on his water, eyes wide with curiosity. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

“You look a bit bothered.”

“No, I’m fine.” He deadpanned, still lost in his thoughts.

“Oh.. are.. are you sure?” Hesitant, Yoosung sounded hesitant. Immediately regretting his tone, Zen stood up and made his way to the counter as well. “Of course I am, I have no reason to be upset. Just - gonna have to make sure this pain subsides before I leave.”

Sitting on one of the stools by the counter, he flashed Yoosung a big grin, before sipping at his water. He needed to stop overthinking everything. Stop. Over. Thinking. Without even being aware of it, though, his feet had started tapping at the floor, and he wasn’t able to stop himself from tugging at the loose silver strands of his hair. He’d again averted his gaze from Yoosung’s, and turned himself around so his expression didn’t break before the boy. Then, he sighed heavily - chugging down the entire glass before putting it down with more force than needed. 

Come  _ on _ . Hyun’s an actor. Why was this all more challenging than his mind had made it out to be?

A hand on his bicep shook him out of his daze, and he let out a shaky breath. 

“Hey.” Yoosung said, stroking a thumb over his arm.

“I’m sorry.”

“What..? No..” And then the blonde boy turned him around a bit, forcing Hyun to look at him again. Hyun didn’t want to, though. Seeing concern etched in those brown eyebrows always managed to shake the taller man, and it wasn’t good. Not for him.

But that didn’t stop Yoosung from reaching out to grab at the hand of Hyun’s which was anxiously tugging at his silvery strands, bringing it down to place it on his thigh instead. He circled over the skin with his thumb. 

“Why are you sorry, hyung? You didn’t do anything.”

_ But I  _ could  _ and that’s what I’m afraid of _ , Hyun thought helplessly.

He again tried to sport a smile, but it came off as a wobbly one, and he heaved again. “I don’t want to worry you, or anything. I guess I just didn’t get enough sleep? The fact that I went to sleep  _ after _ 2am is bothering me a bit, you know…”

Good, drifting the conversation away from where it could’ve gone. 

“Ah, but I don’t mean to blame you for that. I’ll sleep more when I go home - after working out a bit.”

That was when he gained enough confidence to look at Yoosung again, but he didn’t know if that was a good decision to make at all. Yoosung didn’t look convinced. He was trying to, of course - a gentle grin adorned his face and he was giving small nods to show that he was listening. But the crease in his forehead and the worry in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Hyun. 

So he again wrestled with the feelings that had taken over him again and pushed, pushed,  _ pushed _ them down - there was no need to look this pathetic in front of Yoosung, he thought. Shaking his head, he pulled his hand away from Yoosung’s, beaming at him again. Worrying Yoosung was the last thing he wanted to ever do. 

“I promise you it’s nothing you need to worry about, okay?” 

He heard Yoosung grumble under his breath, and tried to make out what he was saying - but it was all just a garble of words. “What is it..?” He asked.

“No!! Nothing, it’s just - you’re not.. lying, right?”

“And why would I lie to you, Yoosung-ah?” 

That seemed to stop Yoosung from his train of thought, and he frowned, clearly unable to find an answer. Hyun giggled, and gave a light flick to his forehead - which made Yoosung jump.

“Hey..! What was that for?!” He exclaimed, a blush rising to his cheeks, already so flustered in a few seconds. All it did was make Hyun feel even more fond of him, and he sighed adoringly.

“You can’t find an answer. That means you’ll have to trust me, hm?”

The shorter boy just pouted at that, having lost the ability to bite back in any way. “You’re right.. for now. But you’re gonna have to let me know if there’s anything I can do, at any time, hyung.”

Always so willing to help or support in any way - always so eager to be better for others. Hyun was only able to find more and more reasons as to why he wanted to be closer to Yoosung, to know him better. It was terrifying, but in that moment, the warmth that bloomed in his chest pushed Hyun to pull Yoosung into a hug, arms wrapping around the smaller boy’s waist. He settled his chin on top of the small tufts of hair on the other’s head. 

“I’ll let you know, Soong-ah. I will.”

And the other was clearly too rattled to give a good response, too busy trying to settle himself by wrapping his arms around Hyun’s neck. The way he always melted into Hyun’s touch, and never tried to pull himself away made Hyun smile into his hair. 

No matter what happened, he could at least touch Yoosung and hold him close without the other questioning. He could hug him, play with his hair, and tease him as much as he wanted. His heart thumped out of thankfulness for being blessed with this privilege, because he needed time. He needed time to explore his own feelings, whatever fear he was feeling in him during the night, but he also didn’t want to have to separate himself from Yoosung. 

He absentmindedly pressed his mouth against the soft hair - which could be read as a kiss. It probably was one, anyway. And whatever chaos he was throwing himself into by allowing himself to indulge in.. Yoosung, and his feelings, he would deal with it. Hyun could at least handle this, couldn’t he? 

All he hoped for was something  _ good _ to come out of all of this. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> @ whoever who read this, thank u so much. hope u enjoyed it :")
> 
> cute sketch my friend made based off of this fic ;__;  
> https://twitter.com/webwxrrior/status/1259661431718412288?s=20


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